As an autism mom, I wasn’t sure what a “picture perfect” wedding for my son would look like or what his twin sister’s role in the festivities would be. All her life, Samantha had envied her neurotypical twin brother Matt.Among childhood her questions that broke my heart:

“When will I have friends and sleepovers like my brother? It’s not fair!” she lamented.

“Why is everything always easier for Matt?”

“Why does Matt always know the answer?

“Why is he always right?”

And finally, as an adult:

“When will I find my special someone to marry?”

Of course, there were no easy answers to any of these questions. (Except that Matt was NOT always right.) However, I was able to tell Samantha that childhood wasn’t a race and that she would eventually make friends, overcome challenges and learn to make her way in the world even if it took her longer and she had to work harder.

“Will I ever find a serious boyfriend?” Samantha asked in a frustrated tone. Ever since Samantha and her last boyfriend broke up 9 years ago, she has been longing for another relationship.  As soon as Matt got engaged, that question became more urgent for her.

“Neurotypical people have a hard time meeting up….”  I explained. “For adults on the spectrum, finding and sustaining a long-term relationship is much more challenging.”

As soon as Matt told us about his engagement to Joanna, we all wondered how Samantha would react. Would she be able to be happy for her brother, or would a lifetime of envy would make such feelings impossible?

Samantha surprised us – happily. “I can’t wait to be Aunt Samantha!” she told us.

Still, we were a bit worried about how she’d behave at the wedding. How would Samantha deal with her brother being the center of attention? What if she sat alone and no one talked to her or asked her to dance?

I needn’t have worried. Samantha was excited and honored to be in the bridal party. (Thank you, Joanna). Even though green is my daughter’s favorite color, Samantha was willing to wear a lavender dress, Joanna’s color of choice for her bridesmaids.

“Someday,” I promised, “if you get married, your bridal party will wear green.”

Matt and Joanna’s wedding turned out perfectly in the most important ways. The weather in London was sunny and warm and all of Matt’s closest friends showed up. But most importantly the actual ceremony was beautiful beyond imagination. Listening to Matt and Joanna’s wedding vows made me realize how much they loved each other and convinced me that each was perfect for the other. They shared their love story with family and friends, including all of the qualities they appreciated in each other. Our whole party was wrapped up in the warmth and intimacy of their milestone moment.

I realized then that the location of the wedding didn’t matter. Whether the celebration was held in London or Los Angeles, in a cosmopolitan hotel or after an hour-long bus ride to a country estate, made no difference.  Success did not depend on everything being convenient or running smoothly. I contracted laryngitis and a sinus infection but I still managed to give my speech at the rehearsal dinner with the aid of a microphone that Matt acquired at the last minute. Also acquired at the last minute were multiple fans placed around our dinner table to combat the unusual (and stiflingly) hot weather because the air conditioning at the restaurant had broken.

What made the wedding festivities “perfect” was the authenticity of the bride and groom along with the palpable joy of all our friends and relatives, including Samantha.

Instead of delivering a speech, my daughter sang “Wind Beneath My Wings” to her brother. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room, and she enjoyed a standing ovation. Beyond that moment, Samantha mingled with guests and danced the night away, just like everyone else. She overcame her usual fixation with choosing her own seat and understood that everyone sat wherever we were assigned. And I only had to explain it once. Never have I felt prouder of both of my children at the same time.

Matt later remarked that “Samantha crushed it.” He also said his wedding was the happiest day of his life.

What more could a mom ask for?